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Community question: Am I the only one with fertility anxiety?

Guide to PMS headaches

Our biggest strength at LOLA is our community — we’re so grateful for the insights, stories and advice that you share with us and each other on this blog. We also get a lot of great comments from you about your reproductive health, which is why we’ve launched our Community Question series. Each week we ask a new question around a comment we’ve received from the LOLA community, in hopes of sparking a conversation. Check out this week’s community question, and share your thoughts in the comments section.

When my husband and I started trying, we were under the impression that it would be easy. We’ve been trying for four years, and it never gets easier. Can someone just tell me I’m not the only one?

  • I am not yet in the point of my life that I am trying to conceive, but can imagine how hard it must be to struggle with fertility. Two women in my life had experiences similar and were trying everything in their power to conceive. IVF didn’t work for them, but acupuncture did the trick. I know during this pandemic there are additional unforeseen challenges, but just wanted to share!

  • Stop stressing about it because if you do it seems that you are never will. I dont know if your religous or not but there is a virgen de la dulce esperanza i prayed with all my heart everyday untill i was able to concive our daughter. She heard my prayers.

  • We had that same problem. I went to my primary doctor and he tested my hormone levels. My estrogen level was too low and my progesterone level was too high. He recommended taking DIM and using Progesterone cream that is made from Wild Yam Cream. I did that for a year and I am so excited and happy to say that I am finally pregnant, at 37 yrs old! We had tried for 17 years.

  • My husband and I got pregnant fairly quickly the first time, but I know it may not be as easy the next time around. Given what’s going on in the world I don’t think we’ll start to try anytime soon, but I’m also anxious to wait too long in case it becomes more difficult.

  • It’s almost a sick joke. You’re responsible and scared most of your life trying not to get pregnant. Then when you want to you think it’s so easy and it’s really not. You finally get your life together… and your friends who are completely irresponsible get pregnant without even trying at all. I’ve healed and can laugh about it now… but it is truly a painful journey. There is no way I would have made it through without the Fertile Ground podcast by Spenser Bressard.

  • I get pregnant very easily but have had a hard time staying pregnant. After a miscarriage at 6 weeks and 15 weeks within the same year, and one suspected very early, we are finally only 4 months away from meeting our baby boy!
    I love being pregnant – even the weight gain, morning sickness, extreme fatigue – I love it all this time around!

  • I too started the IVF journey unbelievably naive thinking it would be the “silver bullet.” Almost five years, two failed transfers, a second opinion and laparoscopic surgery later, our third time was successful and I credit God and science for our miracle. Make sure you’re educated about the process, be kind to yourself and rely on your faith! Sending hugs, prayers and baby dust to everyone on the journey.

  • I thought it would be easy to get pregnant too but alas it’s been over a year and still no luck. Meanwhile I get emotional every time I hear about someone else getting pregnant and it’s so difficult to be happy for them.

    • Have you talked to your primary doctor about your concerns? I did and he tested my hormone levels and recommended taking DIM and using natural progesterone cream, made from wild yams. I did that for a year, and am excited and happy to say that I am finally pregnant. I’m sorry if this makes you emotional, I just wanted to share my story, in hopes that it may help you. I have tried to conceive for 17 yrs.

  • I went through the same thing. My husband and I tried for about the 6 years. When I finally was done trying I relax and stop thinking about it. And that when I got pregnant with my daughter. Try to relax as much as you can. I know it’s easier said then done but when you don’t think about as much that’s when everything happens. Don’t lose faith God is with you ok. Your not alone in this your time will come soon ok. Just don’t lose faith.

  • I realize this topic so dear and special, but may I please ask a q…
    Changing subject…. please forgive me…. (I’ve never done this type social media at all…)
    time is going FAST!!
    I am a grandmother. 2years from 70… I have two granddaughters that appear to be heading into the next wave.
    Precious “little” girls about to embark a well traveled road.
    It’s single file, on that road, really a path…. though single file, it is not alone…. so are there any sweet little words from y’all? Also, are there dignified and nice kits for these dear preteens?
    Thank you for allowing this
    full-time grammamma to express her concerns. It means so much to me; knowing all reading this, each have their own experience on this busy, well-worn path….

  • It’s the hardest experience to want to be pregnant and not be. I have been married for 12 years and trying since we were married, went through 3 IVFs and no luck. I believe that God will grant us the blessing to be parents this year. Keep your head up, dont give up and pray 🙂

    • We had that same problem. I went to my primary doctor and he tested my hormone levels. My estrogen level was too low and my progesterone level was too high. He recommended taking DIM and using Progesterone cream that is made from Wild Yam Cream. I did that for a year and I am so excited and happy to say that I am finally pregnant, at 37 yrs old! We had tried for 17 years.

  • My husband and I have been trying now for three years. We have had all the fertility testing done and everything is fine. We have no answers to why we can’t get pregnant. It seems like everyone around me is pregnant. I have had a very difficult time with this and I feel like a failure.

  • I will stop my birth control for months at a time because of the way the hormones affect me. My partner and I will always end up with him ejaculating inside of me. However, I never am able to conceive during those months. It gives me a lot of anxiety and gives me a huge feeling from God that I can’t conceive.

  • My husband and I are expecting (I am 8 weeks along). We are so excited, but I can’t help but feel so fearful of everything going on. My husband can’t come to my first ultra sound, and we can’t tell our parents in person. I know we lucky but it’s hard not to feel mixed emotions at this time.

  • After 5 months of trying, we got pregnant only for it to end in an early miscarriage. I’ve never felt anything more devestating and never expected it. Now that I’m recovered, I’m too scared to stop trying for the time being. I’m already 33 and there is no knowing how long it could take again, even in spite of the virus and lockdown.

  • This current situation is devastating. I have waited so long to do IVF which is now postponed indefinitely.

  • I’m almost 38 weeks pregnant and have started showing symptoms of coronavirus and so I got tested today because I’m considered high risk because of being pregnant. Not exactly how I imagined the end of my pregnancy and am just trying to stay calm and in the present.

  • My husband and I started passively trying a few months ago, not expecting anything to happen to quickly. This was before the pandemic began. We just found out three days ago that we are expecting, only a few minutes after finding out my husband was treating the first COVID-positive patient in our area. We are trying to focus on the excitement, but it’s hard not to live in the fear of the moment.

    • Just took a deep breath reading this, Holly. That is a lot. Love your approach to focus on the positive and not let fear bring you down. Keep us posted!

  • My husband and I have been trying since my son was 4 yrs old for a second baby, he’s now 10 yrs old. The last 2 yrs I was in nursing school with the hopes to try with fertility treatment (IVF) after I was done. 3 months before I was done with school I found out I was pregnant which came as a complete shock to us since we weren’t trying plus with all the stress from my studies it definitely was the last thing I was thinking about. We tried IUI treatments a few years ago that didn’t work. I just want to say don’t give up hope because when you least expect it, it will happen. I‘ve always heard people say that but didn’t think it would happen for us till our little blessing surprised us. Have faith, where there’s a will there’s a way🙏🏼.

  • Pregnancy has been pretty easy for me honestly. I’m 52 days from the due date and I’m so ready. But no one talks about how hard it is to manage outside stresses while on the roller coaster of emotions. In the past month and a half my dad has been diagnosed with both brain and lung cancers, I have major drama at work, and my husband has been very ill for a month. I’ve been very emotional lately and my poor husband bears the brunt of my outbursts unfortunately. There’s lots of stuff they never talk about with pregnancy.

  • My husband and I have been trying too, going on 4 years now. I know the struggle. It’s super discouraging.

  • When you are in high school, they make it sound like it is so easy to get pregnant and that it will ruin your life. It is very hard to make the switch when you are an adult.
    I expected/hoped to get pregnant the first month, just because it is something that everyone tells you will happen if you are not careful enough.

    • Hi. I’m 28 and currently learning that pregnancy isn’t something that immediately occurs for some people. My fiancé and I passively started trying in December and I was crushed when i didn’t get pregnant. We will actively start trying later in the year. I wish the conversation about sex and pregnancy would change so that young ppl can grow into informed adults.

    • This is something that is so common and so rarely discussed–it can be difficult to make that switch, as you describe. We’re here for you!

  • I wish this was something people talked about more. It’s been such a disappointing surprise to all of my friends when they are finally ready to start trying that it’s often actually very hard. And I know it can be isolating if you don’t have friends who are open about TTC or miscarriage.

  • We have been trying since 2016. There was a glimmer of hope when we got pregnant in 2017, but unfortunately, we miscarried. Two years of corrective and exploratory surgeries to be diagnosed with tubal disease and endometriosis. We advanced to IVF, which unfortunately failed. We are now prepping for our second round. Needless to say, trying to bringing a healthy baby into this world has been a challenge.

  • When my partner and I started trying, we were really casual about it. Like, we just had sex all the time. But nothing happened and I thought that it was just supposed to as soon as you stopped using birth control. We did that for about 3 months before I bought a basel thermometer and started tracking my period. I just didn’t realize there was so much I didn’t know about pregnancy or getting pregnant and all I had ever been taught was that if you had sex without a condom you would get pregnant

  • I definitely feel like I was only ever taught how not to get pregnant. Recently, I went to get my fertility tested and realized how little I know about my own body and cycle. I also learned that there are many things you can learn about your body before you even start trying that can let you go into the process with more knowledge and power.

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